Writing Simple Scenes with Serious Depth
by Hal Croasmun
When you read a well written script, you may not even notice the
subtext. You are simply experiencing the story and the characters. You
are traveling with them on their journey...and it is delightful.
That is the result of good subtext.
But when you write a scene of that quality, it takes thinking. The
first draft may just flow out of you, but in order to build in the
kind of subtext that has a reader forget their life, you need an
understanding of the process and steps to make it work.
Below is a very simple scene that illustrates how important subtext is
to the reader's experience of your story. Normally, I use
extreme versions in order to make the skill really clear. This scene
is the opposite -- simple, normal, easy to write -- but you'll see
that it is filled with subtext, as all great screenplays are.
After you read this, you'll understand how important subtext is in
your "normal scenes." And once you realize that,
you'll naturally find more ways to build subtext into every scene you
write.
Below is the opening scene for FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF written by
John Hughes. It is a simple scene where Ferris is trying
to fake out his parents, pretending to be sick. But it is filled
with subtext in many forms.
Pay close attention to my notes as you read and keep an eye out for
the subtext that is naturally designed into this scene.
INT. BOY'S BEDROOM
FERRIS BUELLER, 18-years-old, stares
lifelessly at CAMERA. His
mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His
tongue is fat and dry in
his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his
side.
Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER stand
at bedside. They're
in their late forties, early fifties.
Handsome, upper-middle class parents.
They're both dressed for work.
TOM
Ferris?
JOYCE
He doesn't have a fever. But
he says his stomach hurts
and he's seeing spots.
His lifeless eyes blink.
Tom bends down and touches Ferris'
forehead.
TOM
What's the matter, Ferris?
JOYCE
Feel his hands. They're cold and
clammy.
Tom takes one of Ferris' hands.
TOM
(discreetly)
Should you call the doctor?
JOYCE
(whispers)
He doesn't want me to.
TOM
Why don't you want Mom to call
the doctor?
Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but
all he can manage is a choked gasp.
TOM
What?
Ferris tries again.
FERRIS
(raspy)
Don't make a fuss. I'm fine.
I'll get up.
NOTE: From a subtext perspective, we just saw the top layer
that covers up the subtext. At this point, we could
believe that Ferris is sick and leave it at that. But let's see
what the writer does with this...
He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him
back down.
FERRIS
I have a test today. I have to
take it. I want
to get into a good college so I
can have a
fruitful life...
NOTE: Also, notice that Ferris is saying the opposite of what
he means. Even if he is sick, he's telling them he is fine. And
if he's faking it to stay home, he is still telling them the opposite
of what he really wants.
Opposite is one (of many) way to deliver subtext dialogue.
Watch how his parents respond to Ferris's "Don't make a fuss. I'm
fine. I'll get up. I have a test today. I have to take
it."
JOYCE
You're not going to school like
this.
(to Tom)
Maybe I should call the office
and tell them
I won't be in.
NOTE: Okay, the parents have bought the cover-up. Their
agreement with this layer gives it more credibility.
It also gives us the characters that the subtext will be hidden from
throughout the entire script. That is extremely important for
the success of "plot-oriented subtext."
FERRIS
I'm okay, Mom. I feel
perfectly...Oh, God!
He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens
and he chokes. His older sister,
JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed
for school. She's cute and
stuck-up. A major pill.
JEAN
Oh, fine. What's this? What's
his problem?
JOYCE
He doesn't feel well.
JEAN
Yeah, right. Dry that one out
and you can
fertilize the lawn.
TOM
That's enough, Jeanie.
JEANIE
You're not falling for this, are
you? Tell me
you're not falling for this.
NOTE: Jeanie is pointing to the subtext. We may or
may not believe her right now, but either way, she is saying there is
something going on under the surface of her brother's actions.
In this case, she is adding conflict to the situation, but she is also
making sure that the audience begins perceiving the deeper meaning
earlier in the process.
FERRIS
Is that Jeanie? I can't see that
far. Jeanie?
JEANIE
Pucker up and squat, Ferris.
JOYCE
(annoyed)
Thank you, Jeanie. Get to
school.
NOTE: Note the relationship subtext in those three lines.
Ferris is goading his sister while appearing innocent to his
parents. Jeanie clearly gets the real subtext of his lines and
makes the mistake of fighting back with an insult.
In her response, Joyce confirms that Jeanie will be sent to prison
(school) while Ferris will receive freedom.
JEANIE
(angry, defeated)
You're really letting him stay
home?
I can't believe this. If I was
bleeding out
my eyes, you guys'd make me go
to school.
It's so unfair.
FERRIS
Please don't be upset with me,
Jeanie. Be thankful
that you're fit and have your
health. Cherish it.
JEANIE
(to
herself)
Oh, I wanna puke.
She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara
and vengeance. She slips out of the room.
NOTE: At this point, Jeanie has all the motivation she needs to
spend the rest of the movie trying to catch Ferris. And in the
midst of her interactions, we get the subtext that Ferris is the
"golden child" who can do no wrong...and Jeanie hates
that.
FERRIS
I'll be okay. I'll just sleep.
Maybe
I'll have an aspirin around
noon.
JOYCE
(to Ferris)
I'm showing houses to the family
from California today but I'll
be in the
area. My office'll know where I
am, if you
need me.
TOM
I'll check in with you, too.
FERRIS
It's nice to know I have such
loving, caring
parents. You're both very
special people.
He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter
of his eyelids.
Joyce strokes Ferris' hair.
JOYCE
I hope you feel better,
pumpkin.
She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom
pats his shoulder.
TOM
Get some rest.
Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes
follow his parents to the door.
JOYCE (OC)
We love you, sweetie.
TOM (OC)
Call if you need us.
NOTE: And with those lines, the parents confirm their
relationship with Ferris -- they buy anything he says. They assume he
is as innocent as he acts.
Just notice how all of that was delivered to us through subtext. Now,
let's get to the "Point of Recognition."
They close the door. The lock clicks.
Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. A
sly, little smile crawls across his lips.
FERRIS
They bought it.
Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the
sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow
of morning sunlight.
FERRIS
Incredible! One of the worst
performances
of my career and they never
doubted it for a
second.
(looks out the window)
What a beautiful day!
NOTE: There it is -- The truth. Even more important,
we're now at the real meaning of this scene -- Ferris wanted a day off
from school...and he's got it.
From a subtext perspective, what have you seen?
1. Situation subtext
2. Character subtext
3. Relationship subtext
4. Action subtext
5. Dialogue subtext
Even more important, you've seen how a simple scene can be given depth
just by using subtext. Imagine what you could do with a profound
scene.
My recommendation: Focus on improving the subtext in your
screenwriting. It will do so much for your writing, your career,
and the level of respect that agents and producers will show you.
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Hal Croasmun is the president of ScreenwritingU. Besides
designing over 17 professional level screenwriting classes, he�s
designed a complete model of how to integrate subtext into your
plots, characters, situations, action, and dialogue. View the
full list of ScreenwritingU classes & articles at
https://www.ScreenwritingU.com.
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