Writing Simple Scenes with Serious Depth
by Hal Croasmun

When you read a well written script, you may not even notice the subtext. You are simply experiencing the story and the characters. You are traveling with them on their journey...and it is delightful.

That is the result of good subtext.

But when you write a scene of that quality, it takes thinking. The first draft may just flow out of you, but in order to build in the kind of subtext that has a reader forget their life, you need an understanding of the process and steps to make it work.

Below is a very simple scene that illustrates how important subtext is to the reader's experience of your story.  Normally, I use extreme versions in order to make the skill really clear. This scene is the opposite -- simple, normal, easy to write -- but you'll see that it is filled with subtext, as all great screenplays are.

After you read this, you'll understand how important subtext is in your "normal scenes."   And once you realize that, you'll naturally find more ways to build subtext into every scene you write.

Below is the opening scene for FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF written by John Hughes.   It is a simple scene where Ferris is trying to fake out his parents, pretending to be sick.  But it is filled with subtext in many forms.

Pay close attention to my notes as you read and keep an eye out for the subtext that is naturally designed into this scene.

    INT. BOY'S BEDROOM

     FERRIS BUELLER, 18-years-old, stares lifelessly at CAMERA.  His
     mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat and dry in
     his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.

     Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER stand at bedside. They're
     in their late forties, early fifties.  Handsome, upper-middle class parents.
     They're both dressed for work.

                                        TOM
                        Ferris?

                                        JOYCE
                        He doesn't have a fever. But
                        he says his stomach hurts
                        and he's seeing spots.

     His lifeless eyes blink.

     Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead.

                                        TOM
                       What's the matter, Ferris?

                                        JOYCE
                       Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.

     Tom takes one of Ferris' hands.

                                        TOM
                                   (discreetly)
                       Should you call the doctor?

                                        JOYCE
                                   (whispers)
                       He doesn't want me to.

                                        TOM
                       Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor?

     Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp.

                                        TOM
                       What?

     Ferris tries again.

                                        FERRIS
                                   (raspy)
                       Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.


NOTE:  From a subtext perspective, we just saw the top layer that covers up the subtext.   At this point, we could believe that Ferris is sick and leave it at that.  But let's see what the writer does with this...

     He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down.

                                        FERRIS
                       I have a test today. I have to take it. I want
                       to get into a good college so I can have a
                       fruitful life...

NOTE:  Also, notice that Ferris is saying the opposite of what he means.  Even if he is sick, he's telling them he is fine. And if he's faking it to stay home, he is still telling them the opposite of what he really wants.

Opposite is one (of many) way to deliver subtext dialogue.

Watch how his parents respond to Ferris's "Don't make a fuss. I'm fine.  I'll get up.  I have a test today. I have to take it."

                                        JOYCE
                       You're not going to school like this.
                                   (to Tom)
                       Maybe I should call the office and tell them
                       I won't be in.

NOTE:  Okay, the parents have bought the cover-up.  Their agreement with this layer gives it more credibility.

It also gives us the characters that the subtext will be hidden from throughout the entire script.  That is extremely important for the success of "plot-oriented subtext."


                                        FERRIS
                       I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God!

     He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes. His older sister,
     JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed for school. She's cute and
     stuck-up. A major pill.

                                        JEAN
                       Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?

                                        JOYCE
                       He doesn't feel well.

                                        JEAN
                       Yeah, right. Dry that one out and you can
                       fertilize the lawn.

                                        TOM
                       That's enough, Jeanie.

                                        JEANIE
                       You're not falling for this, are you? Tell me
                       you're not falling for this.

NOTE:  Jeanie is pointing to the subtext.   We may or may not believe her right now, but either way, she is saying there is something going on under the surface of her brother's actions.

In this case, she is adding conflict to the situation, but she is also making sure that the audience begins perceiving the deeper meaning earlier in the process.


                                        FERRIS
                       Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. Jeanie?

                                        JEANIE
                       Pucker up and squat, Ferris.

                                        JOYCE
                                   (annoyed)
                       Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school.

NOTE:  Note the relationship subtext in those three lines. Ferris is goading his sister while appearing innocent to his parents.  Jeanie clearly gets the real subtext of his lines and makes the mistake of fighting back with an insult.

In her response, Joyce confirms that Jeanie will be sent to prison (school) while Ferris will receive freedom
.

                                        JEANIE
                                   (angry, defeated)
                       You're really letting him stay home?
                       I can't believe this. If I was bleeding out
                       my eyes, you guys'd make me go to school.
                       It's so unfair.

                                        FERRIS
                       Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie. Be thankful
                       that you're fit and have your health. Cherish it.

                                        JEANIE
                                           (to herself)
                       Oh, I wanna puke.

     She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengeance. She slips out of the room.

NOTE:  At this point, Jeanie has all the motivation she needs to spend the rest of the movie trying to catch Ferris.  And in the midst of her interactions, we get the subtext that Ferris is the "golden child" who can do no wrong...and Jeanie hates that.

                                        FERRIS
                       I'll be okay. I'll just sleep. Maybe
                       I'll have an aspirin around noon.

                                        JOYCE
                                   (to Ferris)
                       I'm showing houses to the family
                       from California today but I'll be in the
                       area. My office'll know where I am, if you
                       need me.

                                        TOM
                       I'll check in with you, too.

                                        FERRIS
                       It's nice to know I have such loving, caring
                       parents. You're both very special people.

     He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

     Joyce strokes Ferris' hair.

                                        JOYCE
                       I hope you feel better, pumpkin.

     She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his shoulder.

                                        TOM
                       Get some rest.

     Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door.

                                        JOYCE (OC)
                       We love you, sweetie.

                                        TOM (OC)
                       Call if you need us.

NOTE:  And with those lines, the parents confirm their relationship with Ferris -- they buy anything he says. They assume he is as innocent as he acts.

Just notice how all of that was delivered to us through subtext. Now, let's get to the "Point of Recognition."


     They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. A                
     sly, little smile crawls across his lips.

                                        FERRIS
                       They bought it.

     Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow
     of morning sunlight.

                                        FERRIS
                       Incredible! One of the worst performances
                       of my career and they never doubted it for a
                       second.
                                   (looks out the window)
                       What a beautiful day!


NOTE:  There it is -- The truth.  Even more important, we're now at the real meaning of this scene -- Ferris wanted a day off from school...and he's got it.

From a subtext perspective, what have you seen?

1.  Situation subtext
2.  Character subtext
3.  Relationship subtext
4.  Action subtext
5.  Dialogue subtext

Even more important, you've seen how a simple scene can be given depth just by using subtext.  Imagine what you could do with a profound scene.

My recommendation:  Focus on improving the subtext in your screenwriting.  It will do so much for your writing, your career, and the level of respect that agents and producers will show you.



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  Hal Croasmun is the president of ScreenwritingU. Besides designing over 17 professional level screenwriting classes, hes designed a complete model of how to integrate subtext into your plots, characters, situations, action, and dialogue. View the full list of ScreenwritingU classes & articles at http://www.ScreenwritingU.com.